An Open letter to pastor joel osteen

6/25/2015

Another Open Letter to Pastor Joel Osteen

Dear Pastor Osteen,

From your recent Facebook and Twitter feeds:

“Don’t focus too long on trying to figure out why something didn’t work out the way you wanted. Keep pressing forward, don’t let bitterness take root, and you will come to a chapter in your future that will cause it to all make sense.”

“The enemy always fights us the hardest when we are closest to our victory. You’ve come too far to stop now.”

It's hard to tell exactly whether these posts and others like them are in response to the backlash from grieving parents all over the internet, but if so, I have to ask whether you or your staff, or whomever is posting these is thinking at all about the broken hearts of so many who are clearly saying to you, "Please listen to us!"

             Just what if everything you think you know about pain, about grief, even about God, may not be exactly what you thought? The grief of a bereaved parent—indeed of any traumatically bereaved person--is not something that can just be “gotten over,” tidily swept up--under any rug, or between the pages of the Bible.
It is trauma. It is a depth of sadness and a constant yearning that can never properly be spoken of in words. It is a spiritual crisis unlike any other. And yes, perhaps it is true that God can know our hearts--if so, then God is the only one who can truly see this pain and not you or anyone else.

             Grief is isolating. It is also pure unadulterated chaos—to the heart, mind, body and spirit. When you and others to whom the bereaved would wish to turn for support, for some semblance of empathy, insist that we should feel other than we do, even when that might also be our own wish--and no amount of prayer changes that, it serves only to further isolate and hurt.

              God is love. If I know nothing else, I do know that. And I can plainly see that your actions of late do not communicate love. They communicate further isolation. Do you truly think there is nothing you can learn? Do you not know that Jesus humbled even Himself to sit with the brokenhearted? On His way to raise Lazarus from the dead, even He wept. He wept because He grieved. Why would He do that? He grieved because grief is a form of love. He loved His friend and He grieved. Jesus said, “Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted.”

            Pastor Osteen, why would you not wish to learn more of how to be an instrument of peace and of comfort. Since Jesus Himself spoke those words, why would you not think that perhaps these events are taking place because God is calling you out to learn more, to show love, to learn a kind of compassion that goes beyond what you have known previously? One does not have to be a bereaved parent to be compassionate and loving toward a bereaved parent. Do you truly see these thousands of bereaved parents as your enemies? Are you saying that it is the Enemy who is causing our grief? It’s very unclear. But what does seem clear is that your actions--failing to respond, blocking bereaved parents from your pages-- and even more, your inaction, are motivated not out of love, but out of fear. I ask you to move the way that love would move. When we move and behave the way love does, we can know that we are aligned with a higher purpose. I am praying for you Pastor that your heart will be unthawed and that you will lay down this armour of fear and hubris and learn from those who can teach.

           As a bereaved parent, a licensed therapist with expertise in traumatic grief and bereavement, and a Certified Compassionate Bereavement Care Provider, I ask you to please consider taking Dr. Joanne Cacciatore up on her offer to gift your tuition in the CBC provider course. When we stop learning we stop growing. Ask yourself whether the Lord would want you to learn more about a large portion of His flock who need, more than anything else, love, non-judgmental support and leaders of faith who can truly sit with them in pain. It is not for you or anyone else to change the grieving person’s heart, but to witness and learn. I pray that you will move from love and hear the cries of the bereaved not simply as angry people who want to stay stuck in pain, but of hurt and marginalized people who want to be held rather than forced to heal before any healing that may be needed is ready to come.

With Love and Hope,

Karla Helbert, Mother to Theo
Licensed Professional Counselor, CBC Provider,
              MISS Foundation Volunteer

8 Comments

Samuel Beckett

6/25/2015 07:47:11 am

A fine response to a repugnant sitch, Karla Helbert, Mother to Theo, LPC. Osteen can learn a lot from this if he listens to you.

Karla

7/6/2015 05:23:00 am

Thank you so much Samuel. All we want is that he learn. We are offering a chance to have a conversation about grief and about parental grief in particular.

Anonymous

7/2/2015 07:09:29 pm

This is absurd what u are doing I have the same book and it never mentioned the word self pity it's a shame u will get nowhere in this Find peace with God. Joel is a man of God stop slamming him with hate and judgemental remarks

Karla link

7/6/2015 03:53:19 am

Dear Anonymous,
He does actually use the words "self-pity." In Chapter 17, the beginning of the passage discussing the story of bereaved parents "Phil and Judy" starts with "You probably know people who thrive on self-pity..." it sets up the story he then tells of these bereaved parents whose son was killed 15 years ago--he goes on for the paragraph talking about some people "don't want to get well, they like the attention too much." He is clearly trying to prove a point with the story of their grief. And then says, "Consequently, fifteen years after the fact, Phil and Judy continue to languish in self-pity and self-induced isolation. Why? Because they don't want to get well." That is a direct quote from the book. He also goes on to compare his own experiece after the death of his father to theirs.

What bereaved parents want is a conversation, a dialogue. It is painfully obvious to me--as a clinician trained in supporting those in traumatic grief, as well as a bereaved parent nearly a decade past my son's death--that he does not know what he is talking about. Yes we do still grieve 10 and 15 years later. That does not mean we "don't want to get well." He also says, "you shouldn't still be grieving five or ten years later." That statement tells me he has no idea what he is talking about. Which is why we are asking him to learn. To talk, to engage and to hear about the stories of bereaved parents, to take the training that would help him to help those where Phil and Judy were and are in thier grief.

My peace with God is between myself and God, though I do appreciate your concern. There is no hate in this letter to Pastor Osteen--I wonder if you actually read it. My judgement of him is based in reality and in my own experience as a parent as well as trained clinician. He is doing harm to thousands uppn thousands of pepople in pain in writing those word with no training or knowledge. That is a judgement that is based in fact.

Jesus said, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." But not by Joel Osteen--that is obvious from his behavior and continued willful ignorance. His actions do not reflect either love nor those of a man of God.

Sally Cooper

12/8/2023 11:05:44 am

I don’t believe Karla is SLAMMING Pastor Osteen, she is just trying to get him to see that God himself sat with the Grieving People, do you ever hear of Pastor Osteen going to see the sick in the Hospital, or visit People that are Grieving over a Loved One? Don’t give me the excuse that he would be swamped in a Hospital room, they can always make arrangements
For Privacy! I listen to Pastor Osteen and yes he is a Man of God, but it sounds as though you were judging Karla, & I know for a true Fact God does not want us to Judge. Just my feelings, just like you have your feelings.,

Concrete Contractors Columbia link

9/13/2022 06:13:09 am

Good readinng this post

Karla Helbert link

9/13/2022 06:51:33 am

Thank you- I re-read it myself and still stand by every word. At that time I was nearly a decade out after my son’s death, now it has been nearly 17 years. My grief has continued to change, but I still grieve and I still feel the loss and am aware daily of his absence in our lives. I appreciate your comment.

Davis Sharp link

7/17/2024 07:33:43 am

Nice post thanks for sharing.

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