Going through the pain of grief is one of the most discouraging, disheartening experiences imaginable. In grief, we can all use a bit of extra courage. Courage gives us the ability to face and move through pain, uncertainty, fear and hardship. Courage does not change the situation, but it can help us withstand it. You did not choose this, but here you are. There are days when it seems that every ounce of effort you can muster is required simply to get out of bed. There are times when it seems to take all your strength and energy to open your eyes, to face the day, to face the mirror, to face the empty house, to face the rest of the world as it moves on and on, to face the pain of your beloved’s absence. Again. And then again. And again the next day. The next week, month and year. And again the year after that. Thinking of a lifetime without them can be petrifying.
You might try forming abhaya hrdaya before getting out of bed each day, before getting out of the car to go in to work, before going into a grocery store or other public place, before any activity that you know will trigger memories, grief and pain. It will not make grief go away, but perhaps your strength can be buoyed a bit and your energy lifted, which may help you get through a difficult undertaking, whatever it might be. Abhaya hrdaya mudra nurtures the heart as well as the lungs—which are greatly affected by grief. In Traditional Chinese Medicine, grief is the emotion of the lungs. Many grieving people have the sensation of being unable to breathe fully; sometimes you might unconsciously hold your breath until you find yourself gasping for air, not even realizing you weren’t breathing. I remember that sensation well, being unexpectedly startled by the sudden need for air, as if I had been underwater, my lungs hurting from the lack of breath. This can be jarring, but is a common occurrence for many when swimming in the vast sea of grief.
The primary way that prana, the universal life force known in Chinese Medicine as Qi (pronounced chee), and in Japanese traditions as Ki (pronounced kee), enters our being is through the breath. It comes into our lungs with each inhalation and is dispersed throughout the physical body as well as throughout the other koshas as appropriate. Oxygen is carried through the physical body by the circulatory system, but prana can and does permeate all the bodies, physical as well as subtle. Not only does prana, energizing, life-giving force, move throughout, but it can be directed to the specific places we send it. This is what yoga teachers are talking about when they say strange things like, “Breathe into your side body (or your intercostal muscles, or your hamstring, or your hip flexors)…” or, “Direct the breath to the place where you feel your edge.” We can tell the prana where to go to help us in the places we need it most. When the lung function is compromised, reduced or out of balance due to nearly anything—stress, illness, emotional imbalance, and, of course, grief and sadness—our ability to receive, as well as direct, prana is also thereby diminished.
Abhaya hrdaya also supports the digestive system. Interestingly, the large intestine is the partner organ to the lungs in the system of Chinese Medicine, and acts as the yang to the yin of the lungs. In grief, digestive function can be greatly impaired. Each person experiences these effects individually, but a grieving person’s appetite and the ability to tolerate or digest food is almost always affected, therefore resulting in further imbalance and undesirable effects to the rest of the body’s systems.
Emotionally, abhaya hrdaya mudra helps to bring a sense of calm and strength. It reduces fragmented thoughts and restores a sense of wholeness to weakened or scattered energy. It also helps to reduce nightmares and soothe a troubled mind. A powerful energy conductor, this mudra is supportive and restorative when you feel exhausted, fearful, devitalized, nervous, and out of control. To form abhaya hrdaya, cross the wrists at the chest, with the backs of the hands touching, right hand closest to the body. Interlock the index, middle, and little fingers. Connect the tips of the ring fingers to the tips of the thumbs on both hands, forming two rings.
To apply the mudra, bring the formed mudra to the chest, pulling downward gently but firmly, rooting the mudra at the base of the sternum. This mudra allows energy to descend from the head to the lower body, creating a sense of deep groundedness and security in body and mind. Notice any sensations you experience while holding this mudra. Follow the descent and movement of energy as it flows through the koshas. Breathing normally, hold the mudra for five to 45 minutes.